You might think it was physically impossible for me to write a short, succinct blog post. But let me surprise you. This post has nothing to do with any of my usual topics. I just wanted to tell you all that I hate Zara. The clothes shop chain, not the woman (if you know a woman called Zara who might get on your nerves, I’m not talking about her).
The first reason I hate Zara is because none of their clothes fit me. I’m a size 16 now and even their biggest sizes which are supposed to include up to a sixteen have such tiny narrow arms and such a tiny narrow back fitting that only a Cheese String could wear them. I resent a shop that makes me feel fatter than I already am.
But then the other night, walking down the street, I saw a reason to hate Zara even more.
Women and children who shop at Zara like to stand/walk like penguins. Or really camp dollies. Or just twats. Whereas the men of Zara…
…DON’T stand like penguin-twats. However they still look like twats because they are wearing skinny style trousers which never looked good on any man ever. Along with shiny trainers. And the most bland, boring, monochromatic wardrobe on the planet. So basically dull-twats whose dullness is not offset by the random bling of their shiny trainers. It just makes them look more twatty.
I wish I could say something that would make reading this particular blog post more intelligently witty. The truth is you’ve just been sucked into my bitter hateful rant about Zara clothes stores who I will never forgive for making me aware of my back fat two years ago with their Cheese-string-proportioned winter coats. I’d like to say I’m sorry for involving you, but I’m not. The more people that notice and ridicule their penguin-women and their glitter-footed twat men and decide not to shop there the better. Die Zara! Die!