Russian Bride – Number Two

I know I’m meant to be working. But I couldn’t resist answering another Russian Bride email that came to me yesterday. It’s not as good as the original, but I love spammy brides.

Signed from Vicki but introduced as Natalia:-

Hello Darling!!!

I am Natalia from Russia, a confident, able girl from Russia with lots of self-esteem and immense desire to find my love and soul mate?
I am longing for a strong and loving person, so that I can feel protected and loved in his arms and sleep peacefully placing my head on his shoulder.
Do you need that loving girl whom you would like to talk to about all those things which men like and think?
Well I am there to listen as I too like your boyish things, rather I feel attracted to those with much of those interesting masculine whims and fancies!!!
I am hot when you want it the most. I am calm when I feel you like it that way. I am a person who can adjust towards various situations in life.

Actually, most of us (Russian girls) are a perfect mix of both sides of this feminine nature. I am sure you won’t get bored.
So come on join us here at this website where you will find thousands of hot and beautiful girls (like me!!! Do you think I am?).

Vicki

Here was my reply:-

Dear Natalia from Russia, or is it Vicki?

You are so lucky! I wish I was a confident able girl with lots of self-esteem. Where do you get that? You could make a fortune if you could tell the rest of us how to do it.

I am really envious of how you are hot when I want it the most and calm when you feel I like it that way and can adjust towards various situations in life. I can’t do that at all. I time it wrong all the time. I get hot when my partner is busy with work or wants to watch a particular TV show or when he’s in the middle of an important phone call, and I’m rarely calm when he wants it the most. I tend to wig out a bit, sometimes cry, and often wibble.

Listening to your description of how Russian girls are a perfect mix of both sides of this feminine nature, I’m surprised the rest of us even stand a chance. I’m personally a bit of a munter, a little bit crap. I’m a shit cook, an even worse housewife. I talk over my boyfriend and finish his sentences in an annoying and impatient manner. I very rarely listen with interest to his masculine whims and fancies and tend to just talk to him about my own crap rather than his ‘boyish things’. How do you stomach it? And why hasn’t someone snapped you up yet and married the shit out of you?

On the bright side, at least I do have a boyfriend so that I can feel protected and loved in his arms and sleep peacefully placing my head on his shoulder. Every night actually. It’s great. I haven’t once had to resort to writing emails in a fake name to complete strangers, most of which are probably women like me (probably not like you), in an attempt to procure a boyfriend. Not once. Although nothing ventured, nothing gained, Natalia/Vicki. Good on you for trying. How is this technique working out for you and the other Russian single ladies? Is it so cold in Russia that none of you leave your houses and try meeting people face to face the old fashioned way? Why are you all so desperate to get a British husband anyway…you could end up in Croydon or worse. It’s not the land of milk and honey you think it is here. Sure we have great things like free healthcare and education and Primark. But we also have Spam, TOWIE and cold sores. Although all three of those things might be popular in Russia, I don’t know.

Anyway darling (if that’s what we’re calling each other). I must fly, because I have a job. Although I see from your fake email address you work for Hove Consultancy in the Netherlands, so not as far away as Russia anyway…you’re almost halfway here. If you ever make it to England and find a man to appreciate all your perfectly balanced feminine charms then I hope he doesn’t look like Frank Butcher.

Best wishes

Felicity Doombar Adenoid the Third

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